Oh, hello, blags. I didn’t see you there.
So, it’s been over a week since your last hot BLAG injection. You’ve been jonesing pretty hard for a fix, there’s no doubt about that. Forging your own counterfeit BLAGs to read, doing dreadful favors for terrible men in dark corners. But that’s all over for now. Don’t worry about next week; embrace the present. Because now — right now — you’re reading a brand new post. So lay back and get ready to forget all about the world …
Today’s topic: The World. More specifically: parts of it. I was in parts of the world this past week. BLAG HQ in Boston, then Manhattan, and literally everything in-between. Now I’m on Cape Cod, and — this weekend — Providence, then Connecticut. But, this isn’t a travel BLAG. So, what’s my point?
The point is that I’m goddamn busy. Sometimes too busy to come up with mind-blowing topics to write about. The point is that I would like to call to attention my ongoing offer to write about what you want to read! The “About” section has details. Submit your ideas. Need advice? I give great advice. Submit your quandary to me and I will write something that is largely entertaining, tongue-in-cheek and cynical, but with a little nugget of legitimately good advice tucked away somewhere (looking for it is half the fun!). I might even run a Google image search — Safe Search off! — and risk looking at dick pics (this has happened) in order to garnish the post with some eye candy. You’ll love it.
You’re too lazy to go to the “About” section for details, aren’t you? OK, email me at TheMailBLAG@gmail.com, or comment on BLAG posts. Or, maybe you know me, so just tell me. Though, I’d prefer to have kind of a mailbag format for advice-related queries. You can sign it with a fake name, something like “Expired Boner Medicine in Tuscaloosa,” or “My Gay Boyfriend Found Out I’m Not Actually Gay in Newark.” It’s like how they do it in real mailbags, where your name is your problem and you come from a place. Only this one is even realer. It is, of course, called the MailBLAG, because I’m some kind of marketing genius who picked the most versatile name for a blog ever. It’s all about branding.
Other business: At least three readers have inquired about the homeless man bite I mentioned in the last post. I wasn’t actually bitten by a homeless man. That was a lie. Human bites are deadly with bacterial infection if untreated, even if you don’t consider the possibility of contracting specific diseases from someone like a wandering vagrant who is displaying clear signs of zombism. I would of course have gone to a hospital immediately. Please don’t email me questions about that.
So, submit away BLAG-fans. Otherwise, it’s going to just be me writing about what I want to write about, and it won’t not be not about not Star Wars most of the time.