Job listers appear to be dudes, change what words mean

Well, blags, in case you were wondering, it looks like dudes are still running things in the business world.

“No! Women do, asshole!” you might be saying. Take it easy. This has nothing to do with my personal preference, I’m just gleaning this information from an article I read on Huffington Post, which I will now re-post here, which I think makes this some sort of aggregated-content-within-aggregated-content newsy Inception scenario.

U.S. Employers Looking for ‘Jedis,’ ‘Ninjas,’ ‘Badasses’

What does this headline tell us? For one, it says that Huffington Post is too cool for Associated Press Style guidelines. Periods in “U.S.”? Needless capitalization of improper nouns? Get serious, guys. You’re supposed to be hand-me-down journalists.

Another thing it tells us is that either A) a new generation of professionals are in charge of accepting job applications now, or B) the old generation paid for some marketing studies that suggested young people like this kind of shit. What I’m pretty sure of, though, is that whoever’s coming up with this stuff is a guy, and they’re looking to hire other guys.

In my experience, very few women are looking for any man who would classify himself as a Jedi, ninja or badass, to fill any kind of role. On the other side of the interview desk, I don’t meet a lot of women (or men, to be fair) who classify themselves as any of these things, either. This kind of shit is dude-on-dude culture. If women were writing these, instead of words like “Jedis” and “ninjas,” they’d more likely say things like “multi-tasking” and “motivated.” Niche industries would probably have their own stupid catch words, like “sassy” or “stylish.” “Rock star” is also reported as being a big one, and I think it’s a bit more gender neutral, but still stupid.

As a guy, I am of course really into things like Jedi (resume-seeking employers would do well to note that the plural of Jedi is “Jedi,” no “s”), ninjas and badasses. But as a guy who makes his money and finds his pleasures in words, I can’t get behind just throwing them around willy-nilly. If an IT technician is now an IT ninja, then the word “ninja” stops meaning anything. Where it used to mean “Feudal Japan-era incognito farmer spy with martial arts skills” (which is badass), it’s now starting to mean “anybody who has several years’ experience in a given field of employment.” That’s not badass. Well, it used to be not badass, but now I don’t know what “badass” means, either, because you can be a badass Web designer. According to Subway, if you make a sandwich, you’re an “artist.” Which makes no sense, since real artists don’t make nearly as much money as Subway employees.

Hail, King Montague!

Or take Tiffany Montague, Intergalactic Federation King Almighty and Commander of the Universe at Google. Come on, now. Women can’t be Intergalactic Federation King. That title is reserved for men, or whatever is the gender equivalent for other eligible sentient races born within the space borders of the Intergalactic Federation.

OK, that’s it for now.

-BLAG Laser-Viking-in-Chief

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