Awards. Accolades. War.

Dear blags,

You may have noticed that BLAG’s been a bit dry lately. And by lately, I mean since it began in 2010. Like most great and legendary publications, the staff here at BLAG publishes material very erratically — sometimes once in a month and a half, sometimes thrice a week*! That’s just the way this business operates.

I won’t bore you with too many details, but BLAG offices recently moved, so maybe that’s why there haven’t been posts lately? I don’t know, you figure it out. Maybe the fact that there is precisely one staffer at BLAGcorp might be impacting workflow and production quotas.

But I’d be denying myself much deserved credit if I didn’t award myself recognition for relentless sticktoitiveness in the face of the adversity of laziness. Like a lost but loyal dog, I eventually always find my way home to where I belong. And that place, blags, is BLAG. Or a better writing gig that comes along and pays me.

Speaking of awards, but not awards that I’ve given myself: I got an award from loyal BLAG fan and fellow blogosphere inhabitant, Creeped/Ozexpat/Andrew the Australian. You might remember him from The MailBLAG: Problems in Australia, or you might be a dick who didn’t read it. I thought it was a pretty good one, too. Really, The MailBLAG has been great, except for the dearth of people willing to admit they need its help solving their problems. Maybe someone will send The MailBLAG a query at TheMailBLAG@gmail.com soon …

A little sidenote on submissions: I already had to retract my Joan Crawford MailBLAG post. It was one of my favorites, but it turns out one of the people, who I didn’t even name or in any way reveal the identity of (because I don’t know it), is a big crybaby and passed it along that they wanted it taken down. I heeded the request at the time, but every second I hold true to that, I feel more and more like a big ol’ pussy about it. So yeah. That might be getting republished. Get over it and have a sense of humor about yourself. Nothing else moving forward will be retracted by request.

OK, sorry, where was I? Oh, yes. My reward. The whole post from the aforementioned Wizard of Oz(tralia) is here, as well as his expatriate blag, sorry, blog (force of habit). It’s a good blog, especially if you’re interested in either Australians or England. And if you’re American and probably not interested, try broadening your horizons for once in your miserable life. It’ll give you something to talk about at parties.

Here’s the relevant bit (because it’s about BLAG and, by extension, me):

BLAG was the first blogger that I become obsessed with, since commencing my WordPress career. He hasn’t been blogging as much lately, however when he does, he is still shit funny. BLAG doesn’t blog about anything in particular. He just provides his audience with acerbic little observations on life. Often ironic. Usually cynical. Always hilarious.

And if you have any need any advice, be sure to write to him at MailBLAG. He might not give you the most sensible answer, but it’s likely to be the funniest. He was even kind enough to give Mr Creepy Pants fellow work mates a bit of advice here.

Aside from the inherent silliness of the idea of a “WordPress career,” this is all to be taken very seriously by people just like you. Breaking Australian Andrew’s blogosphere hymen, as it were, is perhaps BLAG’s only verified and (figuratively) tangible achievement.

However, the clear stab at BLAG’s less-than-stellar prolificacy record (which, as virtually every opener to every post on this site clearly denotes, I am excruciatingly aware of), cannot be ignored. All other implied honors aside, my eyes would soon only see these words, forever seared into my occipital lobe:

He hasn’t been blogging as much lately […]

And “acerbic”? My words are as sweet as honeyed breastmilk. This is war, sir.

This.

Anyway, thanks for saying I’m funny.

OK, I think I just heard gunshots, so that’s that.

Stay dope,

-BLAG

*Not sure if that’s ever actually happened.

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One Response to Awards. Accolades. War.

  1. creeped says:

    Can you please take this post down? I find it very ungrateful and uncouth and other words prefixed with un. In fact, do us all a favour and blog even less than your current pathetic rate. Like, just stop. Forever.

    As Joan Crawford will tell you, freedom of speech is a privilege, not a right, and you should be stripped of your freedom after this goddamned abomination of a post.

    Oh, and when I said you are funny, I meant you were strange. In a bad way. Like, when someone says, “that guy is kinda funny looking” (which I imagine you are).

    And the hilarity that reeks from your smelly pores is at your expense. You are a living joke.

    It’s war, bitches.

    BOOM.

    Love you! xoxo

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