Danny Explains: Reddit and 4chan

Good morning, blags.

It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means — time for another installment of Danny Explains, or whatever I called it last time. I was really sleepy when I wrote that last post and I could burn a whole day just reading this blog, so I won’t dare reread it to find out. There are two kinds of people in this world: Those in the blog reading business, and those in the blog writing business. I’m in the second thing, kid.

Now, having established that I regularly put more content into the Internet than I take out of it, there are loads of things on here that I do not understand. One of those things is Reddit and 4chan, which are two things. I spent a few minutes on Reddit once, to read an “AMA” (Ask Me Anything — Q&A kind of thing) with Louis CK. It can be found here if you like reading stuff that’s eight months old, and if you need my help getting excited about something, then A) you don’t know me very well, and B) a sort of summmary excerpt: “I wrote way too much here that I should keep to myself but fuck it i’m pressing send.”

Anyway, Reddit looks like a fake Chinese site that hijacks and redirects your browser, only all the words are (sort of) in English. It’s also harder to mentally parse into any kind of understandable chronology than Facebook Timeline, as all items appear to be ordered by the most accurate measure of quality thus conceived by man: Internet popularity as determined by up or down votes. I can’t give a summary of 4chan because I refuse to go there since I last checked it out several years ago. If memory serves me, it’s where all the stupidest stuff on the Internet goes to have an unprotected orgy, thus yielding more stupid Internet stuff.

OK, I just went to it again. Here’s the description on the homepage:

4chan is a simple image-based bulletin board where anyone can post comments and share images. There are boards dedicated to a variety of topics, from Japanese animation and culture to videogames, music, and photography.

Looking at it, it becomes clear: What Pinterest is for women, 4chan is for men who don’t talk to women.

Note the extreme lack of a “Weapons” category on Pinterest. (In all fairness, Pinterest also shamelessly touts porn, but for women: Photos of food and John Stamos head shots.)

But enough of my hobbled and long-winded attempts at explaining these Web phenomena. I now defer to Danny Explains, to explain Reddit and 4chan in an efficient, succinct and German way. Take it away, Danny:

What is Reddit? I seriously have no idea. Don’t even know how to expound upon this question. I just know it’s a thing, might as well be in Chinese. You can also address 4chan. Feel free to make fun of Dill for either/both.

I’d be lying if I claimed to know exactly what Reddit or 4chan are. I pretty much take them to be the places where you go to pretend you’re better than the rest of the internet. They’re the exclusive clubs in the Meatpacking district of NYC with velvet ropes and such. The only thing is, once you’re inside, you don’t get hot chicks and designer drugs, but trolling assholes who are likely into hentai porn.

In case you’re even less familiar with New York than I am, the Meatpacking District is where people used to pack meat, then in the 1980s it was like the transsexual capital of Manhattan, and now it’s “New York’s most fashionable neighborhood,” says New York Magazine. It’s still called the “Meatpacking District” because nobody ever changes names of places west of the former Soviet Bloc.

In case you’re not familiar with hentai, it’s Japanese cartoon porn. If you have to ask how I know this, then I should tell you now that 4chan is not the place for you (or me). If you have lots more questions about Japanese pornography/culture, I recommend Tokyo Vice by Jake Adelstein. It’s great beach/toilet reading and you just might learn a thing or two about our friends across the Pond (Pacific Ocean)!

OK, that’s it for now, and thanks to you, Danny, for once again beaming your Mag-Lite of truth upon the darkest corner of the basement of human understanding, scattering the cockroaches and blah blah blah, etc.!

-BLAG

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