Mitt Romney needs to stop making me feel bad for him

WHAT’S UP, blags?

It’s gaffe season! Now if you’re like me, you grew up in a fishing community, and so I say this: “gaff” (no “e”) is the hooked fishing pole, while “gaffe” is what Mitt Romney has been doing all the fuck over everywhere lately.

I have very mixed feelings about this. In fact, I tweeted the following last night:

I included the bottom tweet because thousands of people (you can’t prove that’s a lie) have read this blog, and you never know, but the first tweet is an honest representation of my feelings on the topic. Sometimes it’s hard to think of stuff to write, so I felt compelled to expound upon this via the BLAG medium.

Throughout this entire campaign process, I’ve pretty consistently felt bad for Mitt Romney. And I don’t mean that in an insincere liberal kind of way, where “I feel bad for how STUPID he is ha ha ha ha!!!” I feel bad for him in a similar way that I felt bad for John McCain in 2008, and how I feel bad when I imagine a young actress, not a month off the bus in Los Angeles, hungry for her big break. She’s at a Whole Foods and is approached by a slick young Hollywood producer, or so he says, and he’ll make her a star! But first she’s got to cut her teeth on some low-budget shorts, filmed in the San Fernando Valley. She gets there and a silk-shirt clad director, he … well, he convinces her to do some things on camera that she never imagined she’d be doing just last year, when she was living in a small town in central Nebraska, working at a bank and talking off the locals’ ears about how she’d land a breakout role and be the next Jennifer Aniston. But she wants it badly enough, and the ends justify the means, right? And before you know it, she loses herself, turning to straight-up prostitution to feed her meth addiction.

That’s basically how I feel about watching Mitt Romney jump through the kinds of hoops that an otherwise human-like guy has to jump through in order to clinch the GOP nomination these days. Maybe he’s being sincere in this most recent video of the donor (and I don’t mean organ donor) dinner and 47%, etc. How could anyone possibly know? I wouldn’t be surprised if Mitt wasn’t sure, either. The empathy-driven, and I guess therefore liberal, part of me feels bad for Mitt. I feel genuinely uncomfortable when he’s on the stage. Doesn’t even matter that he’s much, much better off than I am (by roughly $264 million).

It’s like the boom goes the dynamite kid all over again every time I turn on CNN. I’ve started watching Fox News because they won’t cover it and I caught myself drinking for Mitt in the same way that I sometimes clear my throat just because I’m listening to someone talk with a scratchy voice.

Fortunately I come from a conservative background, and I remember that he’s not me, so who gives a shit what happens to him and his family? I’ve got my own problems.


P.S. – If I’ve offended or otherwise upset anybody with my political opinions, I’m both sorry for the offense and aggressively unrepentant/doubling down on whatever I said.

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3 Responses to Mitt Romney needs to stop making me feel bad for him

  1. creeped says:

    Let him burn, I say. Figuratively, of course.

  2. creeped says:

    PS – that Dynamite Kid makes me want to cry.

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