President Obama recently gave a press conference, I believe the point of which was to nominate former Senator Chuck Hagel for the position of Secretary of Defense.
I did not watch the conference or read any reports about it, but I can only assume that the Commander-in-Chief also addressed the photos of living boy-god Justin Bieber’s alleged drug use.
The news that Justin used marijuana, mere weeks after Christmas of all days, spread like fire — the kind of fire that Bieber likely used to aid him in his drug smoking addiction. There was no doubt in my mind that the Bieber-related death count could only rise as a result of this shocking news that an 18-year-old rich kid smoked pot.
But boy oh boy, am I apparently way too old to understand how bad it has been for kids’ brain development to get smartphones before they get puberty.
In what might be the single greatest generational misunderstanding of the nature of cause and effect, the #CutForBieber campaign has swept the Twittersphere, according to an article I read. The logic goes something like: if Beliebers (Bieber fans) cut themselves and post photos of it on Twitter, Justin Bieber will stop smoking pot. As moms worldwide know, acute guilt is the best way to stop teenagers from doing things.
The campaign was reportedly started as a prank by users of 4chan*, an online Eichmann**-emulation platform. The prank involved tweeting photos of actual unrelated cutting wounds, coupled with false claims that this was done in order to get Bieber to stop smoking pot and the #CutForBieber hashtag. The only problem is, kids raised on the Internet think that the point of a prank is to send your mark to the hospital, and the campaign urged other kids to cut themselves as well.
Or, perhaps more innocently, the pranksters figured nobody would actually do this. But they didn’t consider one very important fact: the only kinds of people who get up-in-arms over pot use are adults who get paid to enforce laws, and teenagers who haven’t smoked pot yet. And one of these groups breathes Twitter and is impressionable enough to do anything. Anything at all.
So, much as recent polling suggests that 66% of my age group sports some kind of tattoo, young Millennials with Bieber-scars will soon outnumber those without, and everyone who parties with Justin Bieber will just have to put their phones in a little dish first, and that dish will stay with one of his bodyguards outside the hotel room, which is what he should have done in the first place.
~BLAGcorp Entertainment News Division