Yelp review: Protein bar I ate over the trash

A lot of people write in to ask me, “what do you do for dinner when you just don’t feel like cooking?”

Well, believe it or not folks, even I get lazy from time to time and just don’t feel like slaving over a hot stove for hours on end! Sometimes a quick, pre-made bite is just what the doctor ordered to ensure that your metabolism continues to move in a generally forward direction, with minimal fuss and cleanup. Here’s the secret: it doesn’t have to mean you forego a little opulence 😉 !


Note the cold-tissue garnish — it’s all about the colors

Category: Dinner/granola bar/trash can

Three and a half stars out of five

This protein bar was a great meal for a man — or family — on the go. The do-it-yourself service was kitschy and fun. The wrapper was pretty easy to tear open all by myself.

The ingredients included the following: rice syrup, cashews, rice protein, cranberries, honey, rice crisp. Special note to those of you with nut allergies: cashews are nuts. I think rice also might be nuts. Right? What the hell is rice, anyway? You think that’s a stupid question, but go ahead and try to define “rice” without using the word “rice.” You’re not allowed to look it up.

Ambiguity over the rice thing cost the overall rating a half-star. I expect any menu to explain to me what exactly it is I’m eating. The fact that the wrapper includes what appears to be Arabic script also offended me personally. I mean, I like “Homeland” as much as the next guy, but season two was pretty weak and TV/product tie-ins are lazy marketing practice. There goes that other star.

The texture of the nut/protein bar was pretty good. A lot of these bars can be very dry and crumby, and if you’re not careful you can end up with a real mess on your hands, or even lap! Not so with this vegetarian cashew bar. The rice syrup, as well as the cranberries, had an adhesive/moisturizing effect on the bar’s composition. “Goodbye, crumbs!” said this happy reviewer.

As for the presentation: the protein bar was served directly over an office-style trash can. If you’ve never tried eating this way, you are in for a real treat. Talk about no muss, no fuss dining. Dirty dishes? Silverware? Napkins? Save those for grandma, because this is how everyone’s going to be eating in 2013!

Overall, aside from my ethnic-related qualms regarding the bar’s packaging, this meal was a real treat, and hit the spot for a couple hours. Three and a half stars.


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3 Responses to Yelp review: Protein bar I ate over the trash

  1. RonPaul2016 says:

    Rice is the seed of the monocot plants Oryza sativa (Asian rice) or Oryza glaberrima (African rice). As a cereal grain, it is the most widely consumed staple food for a large part of the world’s human population, especially in Asia and the West Indies. It is the grain with the second-highest worldwide production, after maize (corn), according to data for 2010.[1]

    Didn’t have to look it up.

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