Huh?! What? Who are you? What are you doing in here?
Oh, sorry. It’s just you, thousands of readers. BLAG just woke up. Sorry. How long was I asleep for?
Twenty-one days? Are you serious? Who let me do that? Oh, don’t give me that shit where you’re mad at me for being asleep too long. Nothing anybody does while they’re asleep is their fault, including sleeping more.
OK, so, just … just take it easy for a second. Let me get my head on straight. Why is it so bright in here? Pull the shades dow–oh, they’re already down. Where are my sunglasses? Not good enough — where’s my homemade solar eclipse-viewing box?
Much better. Man, what happened? I only had three beers and that one mudslide. It was like a pint of mudslide, sure, but still only one of them. I think.
OK, OK — yes, when I added the vodka somebody at the party was all like “Oh yeah, that’s enough.” But in my defense, I wasn’t watching what I was doing. And then I cut the vodka with all that Kahlua, which has way less alcohol in it than vodka does. And you can put Kahlua on pancakes, so it’s mostly just syrup. And then I cut that down even more with all the pre-made mudslide mixer … ohhhh.The mudslide mix already had alcohol in it. Somebody said that, but I forgot it after the three beers. Well, there you have it. That’s why there haven’t been any BLAG posts in over 20 days. I drank a pint of flavored alcohol. Welcome back (to me).