I Don’t Get It!: The Stock Market

Every once in a while I like to dispense a little free and unsolicited financial advice. Par example, did you know that: buy low/sell high? Here’s another tip: before committing any of your hard-earned cash to a potentially risky market investment, put yourself on a media blackout. There’s so much going on in our daily lives that popular social media outlets like Google+ can offer a MASSIVE set of distractions. And when you’re distracted, you don’t have your eyes on the prize.

That’s why I’ve been off the last week or so. I have been focused like a laser beam wearing horse* blinders, buying up loads of stock. In which company, you ask? Well, let’s see. Is the economy improving? Sort of! Do people like boats? Fuck yes and without exception. So, it goes without saying that I just sunk more money than I technically own into Carnival Corp., legendary purveyor of unparalleled cruise excursions. Or, as I prefer to call them, “Sea Dreams.”

So I’ve been riding a buyer’s high that until now I had only dreamed of! Of course, as all happiness inevitably wanes and the human mind returns to its natural state of banal desperation, I make my return to the Internet, where banal desperation is the raison d’être. So, let’s see what my homepage, FoxNews.com, has to say!

New Carnival nightmare: Passengers being flown home from troubled cruise.” Huh. Again? This can’t be good for me.

OK, OK, take a deep breath. Let’s just see how much this matters …

The Unsinkable Stock: Carnival Up 1% After Another Cruise Ship Mishap.” You’re shitting me. Really? Not at all?


Man. Stocks, huh? I Don’t Get It!


*third horse post in a row!

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