Haha, oh, man

Haha, OK, buddy — you’re all done for a little while!

Let’s back up a bit: It looks like George Zimmerman (who shot that kid last year) is shopping around for a tactical shotgun at the same manufacturer that produced the pistol that he shot that kid last year with.

Also, he posed for a photo with the manufacturer’s son, and he rearranged the hair on his head from courtroom Boy-George back to regular Grown-Up-George who shoots kids.

ku-xlarge

(George is the heavier fellow on your right.)

See? Anyway, it’s only logical that George needs a larger gun, now. Pistols are great, but kids are getting bigger and bigger these days, what with all the steroids we pump into our foods and athletes, and sometimes you just need that extra bit of stopping power to get the desired “effect on target.”

If you think this guy is really going over the top, let me stop you right there and give things a little context. Truly understanding George Zimmerman is more about understanding the extreme measures he isn’t taking:

  • NOT taking martial arts, or otherwise exercising
  • NOT violating Geneva Convention with things like chemical weaponry
  • NOT engaged in any means of torture that we know of
  • NOT frowning/scowling in photographs

See? Chill. Other stuff he HAS been doing:

  • Caught speeding in Texas with a gun in his glove compartment three weeks prior to the above

Haha, what?! Oh man … get a grip, pal! (And I don’t mean a pistol grip!) Here are my — and I assume everybody else’s — favorite parts of this story:

  1. When asked by the police officer where he was going, Zimmerman replied “nowhere in particular”
  2. The officer told Zimmerman to “Just take it easy,” and “don’t play with your firearm, OK?”

This raises some interesting, and particularly American, questions regarding the state of our nation.

No, no. Not about gun laws. About something far more serious.

What does one do — and indeed, where does one go — when they’ve already fucked up so bad they can’t retreat to Florida?

Maybe Puerto Rico? I don’t know. But if we don’t consider these problems, we are only going to create more and more heavily armed nomadic fatties with no place to go and nothing to lose. Can you imagine? Roving bands of hungry marauders, stalking our highways in search of trouble? It’s like that book The Road.

~BALG

Whoops,

~BLAG*

[Ed. note: This story contains content aggregated from news aggregate Gawker.com, which I won’t even provide links to, because they ignored my resume. All unquoted words are mine, however.]

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9 Responses to Haha, oh, man

  1. lwk2431 says:

    “George Zimmerman (who shot that kid last year) is shopping around for a tactical shotgun…”

    Shot a kid in legal self defense. Jury found him not guilty. Don’t forget that.

    New Black Panthers put a bounty on Zimmerman’s head and lots of black folks would like to off Mr. Zimmerman. Can’t say I blame him for wanting a tactical shotgun. If it was me I would get an AR-15 with a lot of 30 round magazines.

    “[Zimmerman] Caught speeding in Texas with a gun in his glove compartment …”

    The gun in his glove compartment is not illegal in Texas. No crime there, and the officer gave him a warning about the speeding

    lwk

  2. chenhua50 says:

    As I said in my blog, Mr. Zimmerman should go to learn martial arts or get fit first. This is why he used his gun last time, I am sure if he still that weak and didn’t learn to guard his guns appropriately, maybe one day people will grab his gun and shoot him first. Be careful!

    • lwk2431 says:

      “Mr. Zimmerman should go to learn martial arts”

      Use of firearms is a “martial art.”

      So here is a question for you. What if the attacker, the person who instigates violence (in the case of Zimmerman, that would have been Trayvon Martin based on the evidence), is stronger and is skilled in the hand to hand combat? Do you say tnat people who are not bad guys, not crooks, not psychopaths, etc. – good people – are obligated to become stronger and more skilled in hand to hand fighting in order to avoid the deadly force represented by a firearm?

      My response? Nonsense.

      According to evidence on his phone Trayvon was in fact studying martial arts at the time and very fit. He was engaged in a form of Mixed Martial Arts, or as he liked to call it, “Whup Ass.”

      What do a lot of bad guys spend a lot of time doing in jail? Lifting weights is one thing. Jail time can turn some bad guys into really bad guys.

      I practice a martial art regularly. Practiced yesterday. Glock 9mm at targets at 7 and 15 yards. I also go to the gym some, but at over 6 decades of life I am not going to count on being stronger than my attacker – just smarter and more deadly.

      lwk

      • BLAG says:

        I feel like neither of you are truly understanding how great this story is. It’s great! It’s like a warm, clear day in early spring; a small child’s laughter; the smell of a new puppy. Just enjoy it.

      • chenhua50 says:

        My response to you is not related to “bad people” or “good people”. For my understanding Martin is still a kid. He deserves to live and be given a chance to change his behavior, but not die in an avoidable tragedy.
        The reason I suggested that Zimmerman should go to learn Martial Arts and should temporarily not be allowed to purchase guns is because he didn’t guard his gun appropriately. He used his gun to kill a kid who didn’t have any weapon with him. The reason Zimmerman killed Martin was because Martin was on top of him and he was afraid that Martin was going to grab his gun to shoot him during the fight, even though Martin is much smaller and much younger than him. Martin was able to hit Zimmerman and made him have a bleeding nose and head. It showed that Zimmerman was not skillful and strong enough to follow Martin that evening.
        One of the reasons that Zimmerman didn’t listen to the dispatcher’s advice not to follow him is because he had a gun with him. He felt that gun could give him power to fight with someone. So, he still went to chase after Martin.
        Instead of being charged with first degree murder, I think it is not too much to ask him to learn martial arts and temporarily be forbidden to purchase guns. Overall, it is the most important things for Mr. Zimmerman to do instead of purchasing a gun again and having a big smile in front of the camera.

  3. lwk2431 says:

    “I feel like neither of you are truly understanding how great this story is. It’s great! It’s like a warm, clear day in early spring; a small child’s laughter; the smell of a new puppy. Just enjoy it.”

    I love the smell of naplam in the morning. 🙂

  4. lwk2431 says:

    “For my understanding Martin is still a kid.”

    Trayvon was a man, a young man, but still a man. As a society we pretend young men and women are children when in fact they are not, and it does them no real good to do so. We should give responsibility sooner, and we should hold people responsible sooner.

    ” He deserves to live and be given a chance to change his behavior, but not die in an avoidable tragedy.”

    We all deserve to die. One of my favorite moves is “Unforgiven” with Clint Eastwood. If I remember right there is a scene where he says “We’ve all got it coming.”

    “[Zimmerman] used his gun to kill a kid who didn’t have any weapon with him.”

    Trayvon’s body, his hands and fists were weapons capable of lethal results.

    “One of the reasons that Zimmerman didn’t listen to the dispatcher’s advice not to follow him is because he had a gun with him. He felt that gun could give him power to fight with someone.”

    You don’t know that. No one knows, maybe not even Zimmerman. I am licensed to carry a concealed handgun and it doesn’t give me a sense of power. It gives me a sense of great responsibility.

    “Martin is much smaller and much younger than him.”

    Martin was smaller and probably much fitter and stronger. Zimmerman was fat. Fat don’t count for much unless you are a Sumo wrestler.

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