Author Archives: AJ

Rejected submission: Gulden’s mustard commercial

As a man ages, he realizes that he must give up childish pursuits. As my rapid, chronological descent into adulthood brings me ever closer to sobering reality, I am forced to confront such wisdom. Once upon a time, I enjoyed … Continue reading

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Excerpt from my new sitcom-novella, ‘The Odd Couple Who Are Also Both One God’

Happy Easter, everybody. As a small celebration, I here present to you a short excerpt from my forthcoming sitcom-novella, “The Odd Couple Who Are Also Both One God.” It’s about two guys who decide to save money by living together, … Continue reading

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The top 10 reasons why being an introvert is really great

Hey guys! I’m a huge introvert so, naturally, I feel compelled to write an exposé to the Internet about who I am and what I’m like! Extroverts may spend more time in the spotlight, but being an introvert is, in … Continue reading

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Haha, oh, man

Haha, OK, buddy — you’re all done for a little while! Let’s back up a bit: It looks like George Zimmerman (who shot that kid last year) is shopping around for a tactical shotgun at the same manufacturer that produced … Continue reading

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Introducing: BLAG Design Solutions

Dear blags, Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, American youngsters had big dreams: “I want to move to Hollywood and be a star.” “I want to become an astronaut, and explore the stars.” “I want to … Continue reading

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The gentleman’s guide to how much you should drink at different things

It might seem like I haven’t written any posts in a while to you folks out there who aren’t me. Nothing could be further (farther? father?) from the truth. I write posts all the time. In fact, I’ve written some … Continue reading

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Death.

If you’re all wondering where I’ve been since the last post, I’ve been sitting Chivas. For the uninitiated, “sitting Chivas” is a lot like when Jews “sit shiva” — a week-long period of traditional mourning for the loss of a … Continue reading

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5 Great Moving Tips

When searching for a new apartment and planning a move, it’s important to stay positive and keep a few things in mind, especially when you’re looking to live with craigslist strangers. Ahem … Owner-occupied buildings can lead to future hassle. … Continue reading

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Top 10 Hot Jobs for Sons (According to Dads)

Dads, right? They love us no matter what we do! But what if we took the time to round up a Gallup-size poll of dads across the nation to figure out just what exactly they really want their (first born! No secondsies or … Continue reading

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Who wore it better?

or …

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